Jamaican Joke- 'Yu horse de pon di phone'

by Holly Allen
(Montego Bay, Jamaica)

One night a man was was relaxing watching TVJ (local TV station) when out of the kitchen came his wife with a pan --BOOF!-- "a who name Holly?" asked the wife.

"Mi jus see a paper eena yuh pocket wid di name 'Holly' pon it, WHO IS SHE?".

The man rubbing, rubbbing the back of his head, said "me and Richie did dung ah di racetrack tiddeh an dat is di name of di horse weh we bet pan, a wah duh yuh?!!".

So the wife apologized, kissed his head, and went back to her chores.

15 minutes later the wife storms out of the kitchen again --BOOF!! BAM!!

"A WHA DUH YUH?!!" shouted the husband, and the wife shouts back, "YUH HORSE DEH PON DI PHONE!!".

More Jamaican Jokes Here

2 face neighbour joke

by Howard
(Paterson, NJ, USA )

A man noticed that his neighbours daughter, a small child was looking at him excessively and was worried and puzzled as to the reason. The child wouldnt let up just following around the yard looking at him. He couldnt take it any longer and so in a very crude voice snapped," a whey yuh a luk pah so fah picney!!!". The child frightened in her step, remarked,"mamma seh yuh ave 2 face under 1 cap sar.

Joe returns to Jamaica (Joke)

by Admin
(Jamaica)

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved to the USA to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to Jamaica because he felt he could be a Big Shot at home.

He really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new law office in New Kingston. The first day, he saw a man coming up the passageway. He decided to make a big impression on this potential client when he arrived.

As the man came to the door Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking.

"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million. Yes, the Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay, tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."

The "conversation" went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled off instructions.

Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man, "I'm sorry for the delay but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"

The man replied, "I'm from Cable & Wireless, the telephone company, I came to hook up your phone.
Lol - DWL

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What are the three things Jamaicans do FAST?

by Windy Picasso
(Spokane Washington,US)

EAT......DRIVE......TALK !!
Everything else.. "Just COOOL" (lol)

Only a real Jamaican....

by Admin

Thanks for this one Brenton :-)

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Only Real Jamaicans call the entire leg, 'foot', and the entire arm, 'hand'

Only Real Jamaicans put crazy baby powder pon dem pickney neck after dem bathe dem! fresh wi seh!

Only Real Jamaicans say headtop, footbottom, neckback

Only Real Jamaicans live in another country for 50 years and never lose their accent

Only Real Jamaicans will say that gas is the reason for any pain and tea is the cure. "mi foot a hot me!", "drink tea... a gyas."

Only Real Jamaicans turn up @ a party at 1 a.m. an know seh it a done 2am an den cuss bout wah kinda? dat an dem jus reach...

Only Real Jamaicans have friends weh name "BIGGZ" "POOCHIE" "BROWN MAN" "MR CHIN" "INDIAN" "DRIVER" "JUICEY" "CREAMY" etc

Only Real Jamaicans rub white rum while sick instead of vicks

Only Real Jamaicans can have phone conversations with sound effects like " Ehheeeeeh , mhhm , ehhh ! , yuh tuh lie ! awoah

Only Real Jamaicans know that 'soon come' means anything but.

Only Real Jamaicans know that "foreign" is just one country .... maybe two

Only Real Jamaicans call pomegranate, ponganot.

Only Real Jamaicans are NEVER done talking when we say, "mi done talk!"

Only Real Jamaicans "Put it pon youchube"

Only Real Jamaicans Alphabet --Hay, B, C, D, He, Hef, Gee, Hich, Hi, J, K , Hel, Hem, Hen, Ho, Pe, Q, Har, Hes, T, Hugh, Ve, W, Hex, Hway, Z.

Editor
Thanks Brenton!

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